Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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