he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
