I am puke
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
