around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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