How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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