And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
