Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
