Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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