my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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