shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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