You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
PANTIES FOUND
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