Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
