Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
