I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
