do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
