I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
