You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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