so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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