I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
