Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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