We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize