Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
