How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You work out of a Hotel?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
