i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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