you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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