Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
