Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
