Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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