Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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