I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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