I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
