I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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