I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
