I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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