Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
