Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
