if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
