so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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