look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
