I'm so fucking centered right now
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
