1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
