Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
