Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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