haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
