im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
