i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
