fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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