SEEEEXXX PLEASE
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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