i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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