fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
