Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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