I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
