I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
