I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
