dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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