Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
don't judge my taste in strippers
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
