dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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