there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
