They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
