if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize