So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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