I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
