You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
