I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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